AUSTIN, TX - Straight people have turned out in droves to celebrate Pride Month this year, and for many gay Americans, it's really starting to ruin the vibe.
The TV airwaves have sustained a total takeover, as corporations hawking everything from cereal to laundry detergent have invaded the refuge of rebels formerly known as "Pride".
"I can't buy a jar of pickles without someone trying to score gay points," complained local woman Sarah Rice. "I mean initially it was nice to see gay couples in the occasional graham cracker commercial...but now my acne cream says it's LGBT affirming and my tooth floss is rainbow-colored. Ridiculous."
Local events have also seen a massive influx from both corporations and would-be allies. "Honestly thinking about skipping the Pride Parade this year and just having a cookout at home," said former parade organizer Steve Garcia. "A bunch of straight people waving flags, all sponsored by Walgreens? That's basically a NASCAR event. Thanks, but no thanks."
Mr. Garcia left for work, only to discover his co-workers had generously had his entire car spray-painted with rainbow stripes. He sheepishly drove to his office, where his door had been replaced with rainbow beads and a giant rainbow cake was sitting on his desk. "Freaking allies got me again," muttered Mr. Garcia.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
