Many people think family game night is just a time of innocent fun-- but you're WRONG! Many of the classic games you know and love actually have satanic roots. Do not fear-- The Babylon Bee is here to help you cleanse the evil from your midst before it's too late! Here are 7 family games that came straight from Satan himself.
1. Candy Land: This game was obviously designed by demonic forces to teach your kids the sin of gluttony. This seemingly kid-friendly journey through a sugary hellscape dedicated to one of the 7 deadly sins is populated by demons such as Lord Licorice and Gramma Nut who tempt you with sweet treats. Diabolical.
2. Monopoly: If you don't already know this game's Satanic origins, that just means you haven't played it. Monopoly is responsible for more murders than any other board game.
3. Apples to Apples: Sorry-- but the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good, and evil is NO laughing matter. Repent.
4. Twister: Admit it- you already knew this one was from the devil.
5. Operation: It discourages the use of faith healing and essential oils in favor of traditional medicine.
6. Settlers of Catan: When you use a sheep to get a development card, guess who it's sacrificed to? Yeah-- you guessed it: the Devil.
7. Jenga: What do you think you're doing? Constructing an idol? Rebuilding the Tower of Babel? Truly demonic. Cast it into the fire before it's too late.
If you have any of these games in your home, we invite you to come forward and burn them as brother Dale plays softly on the guitar.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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UKRAINE—As Russian troops assemble at Ukraine's border ahead of a possible land invasion, President Biden has taken swift action by deploying an elite seal team to evacuate his son Hunter's money.
"At my direction, military operatives infiltrated a bank to evacuate my son's stash of sweet, sweet Burisma cash before Russia murdered everyone. I didn't want to risk that money falling into the wrong hands," said Biden in a statement to congress. "Unfortunately, we haven't been able to evacuate Americans from the country because I put all our resources on this operation. But make no mistake, we will leave no dollar behind."
The four-man squad was dropped into ally territory by a Black Hawk helicopter outfitted for stealth missions. Once on the ground, they covertly asked for directions to the nearest bank and shared an Uber to make the 4-mile journey.
Bank security footage depicts the squad calmly entering the bank and asking for the manager. The squad then assembled in a tiny cubicle to ...
KIEV, UKRAINE—As Russian troops increased their threat to Ukraine’s sovereignty and independence, the Ukrainian military showed their tactical prowess by asking Kyle Rittenhouse to come and guard their border with Russia.
“Yo, Kyle, hope all is well. Hey listen, our citizens are under threat from Putin and his d-bag army,” texted Ukrainian Minister of Defense, Sergei Ukrainovich to America’s national hero, Kyle Rittenhouse. “Could u do us a solid and come guard our border? Bring ur AR-15 lol thx.”
While some praised the move as militarily brilliant as well as based, citing the fact that no military has the capacity to withstand the freedom-spewing courage of Mr. Rittenhouse, U.S. Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin criticized the move, citing Kyle Rittenhouse’s status as a cis-white male, and reminding everyone that guarding Ukraine would require him to CROSS STATE LINES.
“President Biden is weighing the deployment of troops to Ukraine,” said Secretary Austin, ...
ATLANTA—A member of CNN's Misinformation Squad was found hiding under a desk in the basement after making a frightful call to the police. "The misinformation is coming from inside the building," whispered the terrified employee to an alarmed 911 dispatcher.
The employee, intern Jessie Furbank, was reportedly in tears as police escorted her out of the building, after which she allegedly asked for witness protection.
"I need a new identity, a new life—they're going to find me!" said Jessie, according to witnesses.
A transcript has been released by the Atlanta Police Department that reveals the harrowing moment.
Dispatch: This is 911, what is your emergency?
Furbank: You have to [unintelligible] help! I'm–
Dispatch: Calm down, please. Are you in danger?
Furbank: Yes! I work at CNN. I [heavy breathing] I was hired to track misinformation, but—
[unknown banging noises]
Dispatch: Ma'am, are you alright?
Furbank: Did you just assume my gen– never mind, you have to come get me!
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