MEXICO—Kamala Harris has finally visited Guatemala and Mexico, though she still hasn't found her way to the southern border of the U.S. Luckily, though, it doesn't look like she'll have to, as she's singlehandedly solved the border crisis already.
Harris arrived in Mexico today and began cackling, causing immigrant caravans to all scatter and return home.
"The immigration crisis and our domestic problems are very serious here," said Mexican President Andrés Manuel López Obrador. "It is a real problem and we need to figure out how to solve it."
Harris responded as she does to all serious issues: by cackling like a maniac. "Ha. Ha ha. HAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAA!!!" she said, causing the president to draw back in terror. The upshot was that all the migrants streaming by toward the U.S. border also heard her cackle and ran for their lives.
"¡Dios mio - es el diablo!" screamed one Hispanic woman before seizing her children by the hand and running for her home. "Ay, ay, ay!"
Millions and millions of immigrants bound for the border all said they would return to their homes and not be seeking asylum in the U.S. for many more years, or until Trump returns as president, whichever comes first.
At publishing time, Harris had presented the president of Mexico with a tortilla depicting her own face.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
