WASHINGTON, D.C.—Dr. Fauci went off on reporters this week in a press conference after being questioned on all the positions he has flip-flopped on over the last year.
"Did you make a mistake, Dr. Fauci?" asked one reporter. "Maybe you just made a mistake in the science. That happens sometimes, right?"
Fauci, who was now sporting a goatee and shaved head, narrowed his eyes and growled at the reporters.
"Who are you talking to right now? Who is it you think you see? Do you know how much I make in a year? Even if I told you, you wouldn't believe it! Do you know what would happen if I suddenly decided to stop going in to work? A network of laboratories big enough to be listed on the NASDAQ goes belly up. No, you CLEARLY don't know who you're talking to here," yelled Fauci angrily.
The reporters just sat there in stunned silence.
"I am not studying science," Fauci bellowed. "I AM THE SCIENCE!"
The White House press pool then began to cry and apologize to Dr. Fauci, until Jen Psaki came in and passed out cookies and juice boxes to cheer everyone up.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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"To all memers out there: Texas will embrace you," Abbott said at a press conference announcing the order. "No memer should live under the type of despotic rule and suppression of the right to be funny that we're seeing in other states. I officially declare the state of Texas open to all memers who dream of creating sick burns and dank viral memes."
https://babylonbee.com/news/governor-abbott-declares-texas-sanctuary-state-for-memers
"Where's all our junk that can't be used for anything?" Griggs asked. "I wish I could find that half a rubber band I shoved in here two years ago. I knew I'd need it someday."
"I just wanted to give my diners a good selection of the classics they know and love," Martha explained. "We're keeping the Ohio traditions alive — new and old."
https://babylonbee.com/news/ohio-restaurant-unveils-new-pumpkin-spice-cat