LEESBURG, VA—As part of a new diversity and inclusion initiative, the Loudoun County school board has directed teachers to hang up inspirational "You Can't Do It! (due to white supremacy and systemic oppression)" posters throughout all schools to remind students of color that they will likely not succeed in life unless white liberals dismantle the systems of oppression designed to keep black people from succeeding.
"Don't worry -- we don't teach CRT here at our schools anymore!" said teacher Sandy Stout. "We simply teach that racism is baked into a system of capitalist whiteness that is designed to make it impossible for students of color to get ahead in life. We need our black students to know that America wasn't made for them and that they will likely fail at everything unless we white people successfully dismantle Western Civilization completely."
"It's a true message of hope for everyone!"
Other inspirational wall hangings being considered are:
Take time to reflect on your disadvantage!
Blame an oppressor today!
You are powerless.
Just say "NO" to microaggressions
Don't worry-- white liberals will take care of you!
The school board reemphasized that they are not teaching Critical Race Theory but rather an honest look at the effects of racism on society throughout history.
"If you oppose this, you are a literal white supremacist," said Stout.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
SAN FRANCISCO—A cashier working the closing shift at a small mom-and-pop store on Sutter St. was left shocked and bewildered when a customer tried to pay for her items.
Store security footage reveals the customer roamed the store calmly while looters plucked most shelves dry. She picked up a few trinkets before heading to the register.
"I wasn't really paying attention," said the cashier, Brian Risico. "We get lots of looters, but I don't think I've ever seen a paying customer. No one taught me how to use the register."
"Then this chick comes up," he continued. "She's– I don't know. Normal? She placed some products on the counter and asked for the damage. I thought she was going to hurt me, but it turned out she wanted to know how much money she should give me."
Risico stared blankly at the woman for a minute before panicking and fleeing in terror. The unnamed customer then placed a twenty on the counter and left. The twenty-dollar bill was promptly stolen.
According to ...
U.S.—As part of a bold new marketing strategy to promote inclusivity and appeal to less than 1% of the population, Mars, Incorporated has introduced a new M&M character who identifies as a Skittle.
"I'm gonna be honest here. We basically are doing this because it's hip and makes us look cool," said Mars, Incorporated CEO Franklin Crunchy. "And that adds to the bottom line. I think we can make a decent fortune by comparing the hardship of real trans people to a wacky cartoon character."
"Trans people deserve to be represented by M&Ms," he continued. "Our Trans-Skittle character will help us break chocolate-covered barriers in your mouth and not in your hands."
The new character, named Quinn, is an M&M that wears an "S" because they haven't had letter reassignment surgery yet. On the inside, Quinn has the same chocolate taste because it isn't able to change anything but its outward appearance.
"We just want to let the trans community know that M&M supports you and wants your money!"...
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