D-Day. June 6th, 1944. Men ran head-on into machine-gun fire and certain death. Do you think today’s generation could do that? No! They’d be like, “That’s too dangerous! I need to wear three masks, get a vaccine, and then hide in my home to avoid a 0.00001% chance of death!”
What happened to people? Well, ole Frank will tell you what happened. Playground equipment. It’s all fiberglass funhouses over rubber and covered in caution signs to make sure little Timmy doesn’t get a scrape. It all tells children the lie that the world is supposed to be safe and easy.
You know what playground equipment was when I was a child? Barbed wire you dangled from over broken glass. Because my parents, who spent their formative years stabbing Nazis in the face, knew the world was full of danger and death. Wrapping your kids in bubble wrap to prevent cuts and bruises doesn’t stop the Commies from nuking us, so why pretend you can make people safe?
But, at some point, we started raising kids wrong. You know who I blame? Hippies. One of my biggest regrets was I didn’t punch enough hippies back in the day; maybe things would have turned out better if I did. But those hippies wanted to pretend the world was full of love and happiness and decided you needed to coddle children. Soon, they’re all wearing seatbelts and bike helmets. Now, it’s masks. And it’s just going to keep going from there until we seal kids in boxes full of foam insulation.
It’s child abuse to keep kids that safe. They need danger. They need to know the world for real. That’s why we need a movement to make playground equipment more dangerous. It can start simple. Lay a few tacks under the monkey bars. Loosen the bolts holding the slide on. Release an angry dog that will get you if you ever fall. Eventually, we’ll move it up to rickety metal structures over hard, unforgiving pavement.
Is that scaring you? Well, shut up, or I’ll punch you like you were a hippie. The world is scary. And that’s the truth the kids need to know. Now, if they can get through all that without being horribly mangled, they’ll be ready the next time the world needs people to charge into machine gunfire. Well, don’t go straight into it — zig-zag a little, it’s safer.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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SAN FRANCISCO—A cashier working the closing shift at a small mom-and-pop store on Sutter St. was left shocked and bewildered when a customer tried to pay for her items.
Store security footage reveals the customer roamed the store calmly while looters plucked most shelves dry. She picked up a few trinkets before heading to the register.
"I wasn't really paying attention," said the cashier, Brian Risico. "We get lots of looters, but I don't think I've ever seen a paying customer. No one taught me how to use the register."
"Then this chick comes up," he continued. "She's– I don't know. Normal? She placed some products on the counter and asked for the damage. I thought she was going to hurt me, but it turned out she wanted to know how much money she should give me."
Risico stared blankly at the woman for a minute before panicking and fleeing in terror. The unnamed customer then placed a twenty on the counter and left. The twenty-dollar bill was promptly stolen.
According to ...
U.S.—As part of a bold new marketing strategy to promote inclusivity and appeal to less than 1% of the population, Mars, Incorporated has introduced a new M&M character who identifies as a Skittle.
"I'm gonna be honest here. We basically are doing this because it's hip and makes us look cool," said Mars, Incorporated CEO Franklin Crunchy. "And that adds to the bottom line. I think we can make a decent fortune by comparing the hardship of real trans people to a wacky cartoon character."
"Trans people deserve to be represented by M&Ms," he continued. "Our Trans-Skittle character will help us break chocolate-covered barriers in your mouth and not in your hands."
The new character, named Quinn, is an M&M that wears an "S" because they haven't had letter reassignment surgery yet. On the inside, Quinn has the same chocolate taste because it isn't able to change anything but its outward appearance.
"We just want to let the trans community know that M&M supports you and wants your money!"...
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