WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a cryptic tweet this morning, Vice President Kamala Harris reached out to Hillary Clinton and suggested that Biden may have dirt on the Clintons.
"We can't imagine why she would do this, or what dirt Biden could possibly have on an impeccably virtuous moral leader like Hillary Clinton," said every single news anchor in perfect robotic unison. They then went back to their breaking story on why bird watching is racist.
When asked for comment, Kamala Harris responded, saying: "HAHAHAHAHA ha ha ha ha ha HA!"
Investigators are trying to uncover further information about what the Biden team has uncovered regarding Hillary Clinton, but we were unable to ask the investigators more after they all decided to get into a van, tie themselves up, and drive themselves into the Potomac river.
We also reached out to President Biden, but he was unavailable for comment.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
