WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a cryptic tweet this morning, Vice President Kamala Harris reached out to Hillary Clinton and suggested that Biden may have dirt on the Clintons.
"We can't imagine why she would do this, or what dirt Biden could possibly have on an impeccably virtuous moral leader like Hillary Clinton," said every single news anchor in perfect robotic unison. They then went back to their breaking story on why bird watching is racist.
When asked for comment, Kamala Harris responded, saying: "HAHAHAHAHA ha ha ha ha ha HA!"
Investigators are trying to uncover further information about what the Biden team has uncovered regarding Hillary Clinton, but we were unable to ask the investigators more after they all decided to get into a van, tie themselves up, and drive themselves into the Potomac river.
We also reached out to President Biden, but he was unavailable for comment.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
