CORNWALL—World War 3 was nearly started after G7 attendees referred to Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau using masculine pronouns, misgendering the progressive, inclusive, genderless leader.
"Excuse me -- him?" an indignant Trudeau said after he overheard Putin referring to him using male pronouns. "How dare you! Did you just assume my gender? Wow. I mean, I thought this was the current year!"
Trudeau immediately called for an aide, instructing him to escalate hostilities with the other countries. "Benoit? Summon the Mounties."
Putin quickly summoned his army of muscular Russians drinking vodka riding bears, while French President Emmanuel Macron asked for his aides to bring him another croissant.
Biden would have ordered a drone strike but no one could find him (he was later located miles away wandering around a local falafel restaurant).
Tensions were finally defused as Boris Johnson suggested everyone take a deep breath and play a game of cricket. "I like this Canadian guy -- I'll be on his team."
"HIS!?!"
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
