CORNWALL—World War 3 was nearly started after G7 attendees referred to Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau using masculine pronouns, misgendering the progressive, inclusive, genderless leader.
"Excuse me -- him?" an indignant Trudeau said after he overheard Putin referring to him using male pronouns. "How dare you! Did you just assume my gender? Wow. I mean, I thought this was the current year!"
Trudeau immediately called for an aide, instructing him to escalate hostilities with the other countries. "Benoit? Summon the Mounties."
Putin quickly summoned his army of muscular Russians drinking vodka riding bears, while French President Emmanuel Macron asked for his aides to bring him another croissant.
Biden would have ordered a drone strike but no one could find him (he was later located miles away wandering around a local falafel restaurant).
Tensions were finally defused as Boris Johnson suggested everyone take a deep breath and play a game of cricket. "I like this Canadian guy -- I'll be on his team."
"HIS!?!"
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
