WORLD—Fans across the world rejoiced on Tuesday when Amazon finally revealed that their new Lord of the Rings show will solely focus on the beloved character of Tom Bombadil for ten seasons.
True fans of Lord of the Rings were seen dancing, singing, hugging and crying in the streets for hours when Amazon announced the news, while people who had only seen the Peter Jackson films were busy typing ‘Who Is Tom Bombadil’ into their search engines to understand what all the commotion was about.
“Old Tom Bombadil is a merry fellow, bright blue his jacket is, and his boots are yellow,” reads a voiceover narrator atop dramatic music and quick cuts for the show’s commercial now playing on Amazon Prime’s Video service. The quick dramatic cuts seem to show a menacing willow tree and a merry fellow wearing a blue jacket and yellow boots who can’t seem to stop singing about water lilies and his pretty lady.
“Bombadil, who was criminally left out of the films directed by Peter Jackson, deserved better,” said Wayne Ye Chip, who has been confirmed to direct at least four out of the thirteen episodes of the first season. “Our whole goal on this Amazon show is to right the wrongs of the past and give Bombadil his due. We can’t reveal too much at this point in time, but let’s just say that there will certainly be a spooky old forest, a house, and some fog rolling over the ole’ Barrow-downs!”
"This is fantastic," enthused one editor of a satire website.
At publishing time, casting calls for hobbits went out which specified that the actors must be comfortable with running naked on the grass while Tom goes a-hunting for new clothes in an as of yet unrevealed scene.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."