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Unitarian Church Invites Joe Biden, Says They'll Give Communion To Literally Anyone

WASHINGTON, D.C.—A pastor from a local Unitarian Universalist Association church said today that President and First Lady Biden are welcome to come and receive communion at her church anytime, no questions asked. This announcement comes as Catholic bishops grapple with a decision on denying Biden communion due to his stance on abortion.

“The Bidens are more than welcome to come and receive communion at any UUA church,” said pastor Butterfly Watkins of the Church Of the Divine Honeybee in Washington, D.C. “We Unitarians will give communion to literally anyone. We want to be very clear that we have absolutely no standards whatsoever.”

Watkins said the lack of doctrinal standards has been a hallmark of the UUA for more than 200 years, and the church has no plans to adopt any in the future. “We don’t get too hung up on things like theology or religion,” she said. “Heck, we don’t even have any Bibles in the building. Those things in the pews are actually just old cookbooks we picked up at a yard sale.”

President Biden seemed delighted by the invitation to join a different denomination. “I like [the UUA] a lot,” Biden said. “They’re not in your face about believing things about God and stuff. They’re a lot like the Catholic church used to be before they got all preachy and religious.”

Biden said he intends to worship at the Church of The Divine Honeybee soon, and that his decision has nothing to do with the fact that there’s an ice cream parlor directly next door. “That’s just a happy little coincidence, Jack,” he said.

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🎙Christianity, Star Wars Prequels, and Staying In California | The Dave Rubin Interview

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The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.

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Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person

"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."

https://babylonbee.com/news/barron-tries-to-blend-in-on-campus-by-putting-his-knees-in-his-shoes-and-walking-around-like-a-normal-height-person

February 19, 2025

Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals

"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."

https://babylonbee.com/news/healthy-vegan-food-carefully-constructed-in-laboratory-using-957-chemicals

February 19, 2025

Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine

"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."

https://babylonbee.com/news/congress-warns-trumps-attempts-to-end-war-in-ukraine-could-result-in-end-of-war-in-ukraine

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