SAN GABRIEL, CA—Sunday's sermon at San Gabriel Community Church was clearly just an excuse for Pastor Greg Golden to talk about his favorite scene in The Lord of the Rings movie trilogy, sources confirmed.
"It was pretty obvious that he just really wanted to show some scenes from The Lord of The Rings—the connection between Philippians 2 and the Battle of Helm's Deep is tenuous, to say the least," one congregant said afterward. "And when Pastor Greg started comparing Legolas' shield-surfing to Jesus walking on water, it was all but confirmed that he was just reaching for a reason to use the video clip."
When Golden moved into his last sermon point nearly an hour later, he had reportedly played over fifteen separate clips from the Lord of the Rings movie trilogy.
"You know what?" he said to the droopy-eyed congregation. "Why don't we just watch the whole thing? The movies just explain it a lot better than I can. Ushers? Lock the doors." Church members began to panic and run for the exits, but it was too late, and the words they feared began playing from the church's speakers: "The world has changed. I see it in the water. I feel it in the Earth. I smell it in the air."
"Well, at least it isn't a congregational meeting," muttered one man as he settled back into his pew. "And it'll be a lot shorter too, even with the extended versions. This Pastor Greg guy is alright by me."
Next week, Pastor Greg plans to show The Hobbit trilogy to illustrate how even amazing filmmakers like Peter Jackson are totally depraved and they too can stumble and fall.
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