WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a move to save tax dollars, U.S. Attorney General Merrick Garland has replaced federal executions with bus tickets to Chicago. The move received praise from both sides of the political aisle, as a $60 bus ticket per inmate will free up millions to be spent on more important issues like funding a border wall in Egypt.
Chicago’s Mayor Lori Lightfoot praised the decision to free those poor, innocent federal criminals into the peaceful bastion of Chicago, where there has been no violence during her tenure. Then, speaking louder in order to be heard over the gunfire, Mayor Lightfoot clarified that the bodies of gun victims piling up around them were the result of racism.
When a blood-soaked reporter stated, “Ummm, what,” Mayor Lightfoot justifiably accused him of racism and sexism.
Inspired by AG Garland’s brilliance, Texas Governor Abbott has begun filling Chicago-bound buses with residents of Austin.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
