NEW YORK CITY, NY—According to sources, Sammy, a local Beagle, has checked his progressive owner Carl Sphincter into therapy for post-traumatic stress after last night's fireworks show.
Witnesses say the show featured excessive displays of patriotism, flag-waving, and rockets' red glare, which caused Sammy's liberal owner to run and hide under his bed and whimper for several hours.
"Look at all this American pride, even though America is on stolen land and minorities are still oppressed!" said Sphincter, according to a close family member. "Every explosion is like a big 'white supremacy bomb' in the sky! And they're loud and scary!"
He then tweeted angrily about how awful America is and then wet his pants.
In related news, another dog named Bullitt also checked his Trump-supporting owner into therapy after he read Sphincter's anti-American tweet.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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As one of the few sane people in MA - THANK YOU - for that article about MA just now ie the entire state is declared incompetent! I sent you a one-time donation of $25 just for that. I tell them that all the time too. :)
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