U.S.—After falling short of his vaccination goals this month, the Biden Administration has announced a new effort to encourage people to get vaccinated. President Biden and Press Secretary Jen Psaki are now riding across the country on bicycles, going door-to-door to spread the good news.
"Excuse me, sir, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Dr. Fauci, and the salvation of Pfizer, Moderna, and Johnson & Johnson?" said Psaki as a local homeowner opened his door. "We want you to know how you can be happy and secure forever. Would you like to talk a little more about this?"
According to sources, the elderly homeowner slammed the door in their faces-- causing Biden to angrily ring the doorbell over and over.
"Hey! You listen here, Jack! You think I'm just gonna walk away and let you not get vaccinated?" he said. "Why, I'll break this door down and beat you up! You think you can take me, chump?"
Psaki then quickly calmed the disgruntled Biden with a choco-choco chip ice cream cone and led him down the sidewalk to knock on the next door.
The pair will be touring the entire United States until everyone is either vaccinated or added to a secret FBI list as a possible insurrectionist.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
