PODUNK, KS—Vice President Kamala Harris caused quite a stir while trying to help rural Americans vote. She traveled to some of the most backwater areas of America — thousands of miles from civilization — and brought a photocopier to show them how to copy an ID card. The rural Americans had never seen such a device, though, and soon became angry at it.
“It’s stealing our documents’ souls!” exclaimed one simple rural American upon seeing his ID copied. He then pointed an accusing finger at Harris. “She must be a witch!”
“I am not a witch,” Harris stated, though her statement was undercut by the way she kept cackling like one.
The angry rural folk then tied Harris to a stake to burn her as a witch.
“It was not my idea to impose advanced city technology on your simple rural brains!” Harris pleaded with them. “That is the fault of the Republicans! I wanted to spare you from this!”
The rural people ignored her and began lighting kindling around her feet.
“Science forgive them!” Harris called out. “They know not what they do! For they are too rural and simple! Their brains are filled with nothing but knowledge about corn!”
After letting it go on for a few minutes, the Secret Service finally decided they should probably do something, so they put out the fire, untied Harris, and took her away on Broom One.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
