SAN DIEGO, CA—With the U.S. finally beginning to pull out of Afghanistan, veteran war drones are finally being reunited with their loving defense contractors at General Atomics, the manufacturer of the Predator Drone. In one particularly moving moment, aeronautical engineer Dave Chimbly wept as he embraced drone #PD-45X-A, after more than 1 year apart.
"I would stay up all night sometimes, wondering if I'd ever see my beloved 'PD' again," said Chimbly. "I can't believe she's standing right here in front of me. This is the happiest moment of my life!"
He then collapsed on the nose of the deadly Predator Drone in a fit of sobs as they embraced.
According to sources in the Biden administration, this will only be a temporary period of leave for the drones, before they are sent back to bomb Afghanistan for another decade or two.
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"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
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