WASHINGTON, D.C.—Biden has been hiring door-to-door vaccine evangelists, but as too many people would rather stay home and collect a government paycheck than work for the government and collect a government paycheck, the administration has been having trouble finding enough employees. So, the president has announced a groundbreaking deal with Cyberdyne Systems, a cutting-edge technology company run by an innovative AI system named Skynet, to create an army of vaccine enforcement robots.
"Nothing could possibly go wrong here," Biden said. "We'll be sending these nice young metal fellows out into your neighborhood to make sure you're being good little boys and girls and getting vaccinated. People who don't, well, they assure me these robot folks have ways of dealing with them."
According to insiders, Biden had originally proposed nuking everyone who refused to get vaccinated. Aides were able to talk him down, however, pointing out that killing millions of Americans would mean millions fewer taxpayers. The robot army was reportedly a compromise. And the upside for Biden is that all of humanity will likely get nuked anyway under this plan. "A real win-win, if you ask me, Jack."
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
