CUBA—After Cubans began protesting for their freedom and over a lack of food and adequate healthcare this week, American socialists announced the country is now officially "not real Communism."
"The Communist Party of Cuba, which we once praised as being a shining example of communism, is no longer real communism now that it is apparent that it has failed," said Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. "We were hoping this would be the communist state that succeeded. I personally, like, had pretty high hopes for them. They have, like, good programs that teach kids how to read good and stuff. But it does look pretty bad over there. So we are forced to take away their communist status."
Bernie Sanders said he was "saddened" by the official reclassification but had to acknowledge that Cuba is no longer communist, since it has decayed into a hellscape of misery, hunger, and depression.
Cuba's government will be forced to turn in their gun and communist badge to the founder and CEO of communism, Bob Communism.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
