WASHINGTON, D.C.—After meeting with singer (?) Olivia Rodrigo, President Biden reportedly asked his aides to round up more female pop stars for him to get together with and "you know, promote stuff or whatever."
"That Olive girl really was something," he said, sighing, as he looked out the window. "Reminded me of when guys were guys and broads were broads. She had on some kind of fruit spray, peach, I think it was. I'd know that smell anywhere. Say, is Marilyn Monroe available? The young folks just love her, I tell you what."
As they put a bib on him and fed him pudding, Biden's aides assured him they were looking into getting more young, female pop stars to come and take photo ops with him, for which he was very grateful.
"It's really important th-that young, you know, that young people learn about, you know, the thing," he said, pantomiming a needle being injected into his arm. "Polio is real bad, and these social media-who-whatsits are literally killing people by not, you know, ffff-force... uh, forcing people to take the, the thing."
At publishing time, Biden's aides had conceded that he could meet one female pop star for every speech he got through without getting a number, date, or fact wrong. "Come on, man!" Biden said in response.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
