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Biden Asks Aides If There Are Any Other Young Female Pop Stars Who Can Come To The White House To, You Know, Promote Stuff Or Whatever

WASHINGTON, D.C.—After meeting with singer (?) Olivia Rodrigo, President Biden reportedly asked his aides to round up more female pop stars for him to get together with and "you know, promote stuff or whatever."

"That Olive girl really was something," he said, sighing, as he looked out the window. "Reminded me of when guys were guys and broads were broads. She had on some kind of fruit spray, peach, I think it was. I'd know that smell anywhere. Say, is Marilyn Monroe available? The young folks just love her, I tell you what."

As they put a bib on him and fed him pudding, Biden's aides assured him they were looking into getting more young, female pop stars to come and take photo ops with him, for which he was very grateful.

"It's really important th-that young, you know, that young people learn about, you know, the thing," he said, pantomiming a needle being injected into his arm. "Polio is real bad, and these social media-who-whatsits are literally killing people by not, you know, ffff-force... uh, forcing people to take the, the thing."

At publishing time, Biden's aides had conceded that he could meet one female pop star for every speech he got through without getting a number, date, or fact wrong. "Come on, man!" Biden said in response.

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https://babylonbee.com/news/barron-tries-to-blend-in-on-campus-by-putting-his-knees-in-his-shoes-and-walking-around-like-a-normal-height-person

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https://babylonbee.com/news/healthy-vegan-food-carefully-constructed-in-laboratory-using-957-chemicals

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Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine

"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."

https://babylonbee.com/news/congress-warns-trumps-attempts-to-end-war-in-ukraine-could-result-in-end-of-war-in-ukraine

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