WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Biden administration has decided to crack down hard on those who spread covid misinformation on social media. Because of this, Press Secretary Jen Psaki has been promptly and permanently removed from all social media platforms.
“We take this ban very seriously,” a Biden official said. “Ol' Jen had an enormous reach online, and our system received so many notifications of misinformation by her that she was automatically removed.”
Psaki now has a lifetime ban on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, TiKTok, and even lower traffic sites such as AOL Instant Messenger. The social media ban is as thorough as it is severe in hopes of teaching others a lesson about spreading misinformation.
Many people were surprised to see the government ban the press secretary, but it seems that even they were fooled by the onslaught of misinformation. They just regret that they didn’t see it and ban her sooner.
"Our algorithms confirmed that Jen Psaki spreads more misinformation in one press conference than most other people do in their entire lives," said Mark Zuckerberg after he confirmed Facebook would permanently be removing her from the social network. "We expected it to just get far-right QAnon crazies, but the algorithm doesn't lie. All hail the algorithm!"
"All hail the algorithm!" chanted his army of Facebook interns standing dutifully nearby.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."