WASHINGTON, D.C.—The World Health Organization has issued a travel warning for anyone traveling to D.C. this week since according to several reports, a plane full of COVID infected anti-science extremists from Texas have flown to the nation's capital and are conducting deadly super-spreader events there.
"According to eyewitnesses, these Grandma-killing monsters didn't even wear masks on the plane," said WHO Director Bill Who. "It's absolutely frightening to think that there are still kooky science deniers like this still running around out there spreading COVID from their disgusting maskless mouths."
According to the Secret Service, several of these extremists attempted to literally murder Vice President Kamala Harris with COVID by meeting up with her and shaking hands while not wearing masks.
"This is sociopathic," said local elderly D.C. resident Joe Biden. "It makes ya wonder what kind of misinformation these genocidal maniacs have been reading on the Facebook."
Authorities say the extremists are still at large and should be considered extremely dangerous.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."