WASHINGTON, D.C.—The World Health Organization has issued a travel warning for anyone traveling to D.C. this week since according to several reports, a plane full of COVID infected anti-science extremists from Texas have flown to the nation's capital and are conducting deadly super-spreader events there.
"According to eyewitnesses, these Grandma-killing monsters didn't even wear masks on the plane," said WHO Director Bill Who. "It's absolutely frightening to think that there are still kooky science deniers like this still running around out there spreading COVID from their disgusting maskless mouths."
According to the Secret Service, several of these extremists attempted to literally murder Vice President Kamala Harris with COVID by meeting up with her and shaking hands while not wearing masks.
"This is sociopathic," said local elderly D.C. resident Joe Biden. "It makes ya wonder what kind of misinformation these genocidal maniacs have been reading on the Facebook."
Authorities say the extremists are still at large and should be considered extremely dangerous.
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"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."