AUSTIN, TX—"We're just following the science here," said Texas Governor Abbott Tuesday as he signed an executive order preventing Democrat lawmakers from returning to the state. "We can't risk one of them 'COVID' things gettin' back here in my state. We ain't got room here for the both of us, I tell you what. Yeehaw!"
The order comes after the revelation that the dangerous, anti-mask, science-denying Democrats had begun spreading COVID around the country, almost killing Vice President Kamala Harris and several Pelosi staffers with their backward, anti-science ways. Abbott said he takes no pleasure in banning the Democrats from his state, but that his hand was forced so that he can "keep Texans safe."
"I'd love nothing more than to welcome the Dems back here, ya hear?" he said, stifling laughter. "But, you know, science and what-not. I can't just let these human Petri dishes come back all willy-nilly."
He then fired a revolver into the air for no apparent reason.
To enforce the travel ban, Abbott has ordered the building of a 45,000-foot-high wall along Texas's borders to prevent the Democrats' private jet from making it back.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
