WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Federal Bureau of Investigations has announced that it has uncovered a group planning to hatch terror plots all across the country. In a shocking twist, the organization is headquartered right in Washington, D.C., at the J. Edgar Hoover FBI building.
The group was uncovered after FBI agents began tracing most of the terror plots in this country back to one giant organization. "This is bigger than any of us realize," said the founder of the FBI, Bob FBI. "It's all connected. Pretty much every terror plot of the last few decades was being encouraged in secret by this one giant, shadowy organization. But rest assured, we're going to make sure these guys pay for what they've done to our country. No one hatches terror plots under our watch."
"They were right under our noses this whole time," said one FBI agent as he prepared to raid the FBI building, where hundreds of FBI agents were working on terror plots to be enacted all across the country and around the world. "We're gonna take these guys down."
The agent then rushed the building. "Freeze!" he shouted. "Oh, hey Steve!" he added, greeting the receptionist. "We still on for golf tomorrow?"
At publishing time, the FBI had hatched a plot to help FBI agents help other FBI agents hatch terror plots so they could catch them in the act.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
