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Pelosi Puts Unbiased Republican Hilliard Clintock On Jan 6 Committee

WASHINGTON, D.C—In an effort to be bipartisan, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has selected House Republican Hilliard Clintock for the January 6th Committee. Well known for his unbiased, objective assessment, Hilliard Clintock is expected to keep the committee on track.

“We must retain the confidence of the American people!” said Nancy Pelosi. “I can think of no person better than Hilliard Clintock. We can’t have someone biased with a strong vendetta against Trump or his followers on this council.”

“Clintock is a serious, fact pursuing congressman who will ensure the investigation is carried out fairly,” Pelosi added. “He’s definitely not someone hellbent on punishing people he views as deplorable.”

“This isn’t some witch hunt I’m signing up for,” said Hilliard Clintock. “I will not stop my investigation until they are all locked up. The guilty ones I mean.”

Clintock has promised to leave no stone unturned to get to the truth. “Already, we have rioters being held and interrogated at an undisclosed location. They are being kept for their own safety until we can find out how Trump made them do this.”

Hilliard Clintock says he hopes to make quick work of this investigation so he can get back to investigating the stolen 2016 election.

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🎙Christianity, Star Wars Prequels, and Staying In California | The Dave Rubin Interview

Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books

The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.

00:50:59
February 19, 2025

Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person

"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."

https://babylonbee.com/news/barron-tries-to-blend-in-on-campus-by-putting-his-knees-in-his-shoes-and-walking-around-like-a-normal-height-person

February 19, 2025

Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals

"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."

https://babylonbee.com/news/healthy-vegan-food-carefully-constructed-in-laboratory-using-957-chemicals

February 19, 2025

Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine

"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."

https://babylonbee.com/news/congress-warns-trumps-attempts-to-end-war-in-ukraine-could-result-in-end-of-war-in-ukraine

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