The Babylon Bee
Comedy • News • Culture
Fake news you can trust.
Interested? Want to learn more about the community?

Learn more first
Top 10 Reasons You Should Just Turn Your Guns Over To The Government TODAY

So, you still have guns in your house, huh?

First of all, shame on you. Second of all, we realize you may be slightly hesitant about just turning them all over to the government, so we put together a list of reasons (out of the hundreds of reasons) you should just turn in your guns right now. Read and learn, you bitter clinger!

1) The government is very trustworthy and would never hurt anyone: Also, they have nukes. Resistance is futile. Just hand 'em over!

2) With your gun safe empty, you now have a neat place to hide when robbers break into your home: Let your gun safe keep YOU safe! As an added bonus, you can now use your gun safe to store all your surgical masks and vaccination cards!

3) Instead of shooting clays on Thanksgiving, you can play great games with your family, like Monopoly: Nothing brings a family together like Monopoly!

4) The government needs your guns so they can shoot people trying to sell loose cigarettes: Donate your firearms to the noble cause of fighting the evil forces trying to sell untaxed cigarettes to people who can't afford a full pack!

5) You can spend the time you used to spend at the gun range educating yourself: With time, maybe you can learn to be less problematic.

6) The government will donate your guns to a noble cause: Like drug cartels and insurgents in the Middle East. Think of how much good your gun could be doing right now in the government's hands!

7) You can rest assured knowing that criminals will turn in their guns too: Criminals always do the right thing when given the chance.

8) Now you can defend your home with a cool spiked mace and broadsword: Come on—who doesn't want to do this? Turn in your gun and defend your home like a REAL man.

9) You'll be a rich man not having to buy ammo: Aren't you tired of getting in fights with your wife about how much you spend on guns and ammo? Plus, you'll have more money to spend on masks!

10) What's the worst that could happen? Just give it a try! Could be fun, actually!

post photo preview
Interested? Want to learn more about the community?

Learn more first
What else you may like…
Videos
Posts
🎙Christianity, Star Wars Prequels, and Staying In California | The Dave Rubin Interview

Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books

The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.

00:50:59
February 19, 2025

Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person

"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."

https://babylonbee.com/news/barron-tries-to-blend-in-on-campus-by-putting-his-knees-in-his-shoes-and-walking-around-like-a-normal-height-person

February 19, 2025

Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals

"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."

https://babylonbee.com/news/healthy-vegan-food-carefully-constructed-in-laboratory-using-957-chemicals

February 19, 2025

Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine

"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."

https://babylonbee.com/news/congress-warns-trumps-attempts-to-end-war-in-ukraine-could-result-in-end-of-war-in-ukraine

Available on mobile and TV devices
google store google store app store app store
google store google store app tv store app tv store amazon store amazon store roku store roku store
Powered by Locals