HEAVEN—A spokesperson for heaven confirmed today that church nursery workers will all be awarded a complimentary "FastPass" once they arrive at the pearly gates.
The complimentary FastPass will let them bypass the line outside the pearly gates as well as get on all rides and attractions ahead of everyone throughout eternity. From priority seating at all heavenly potlucks to front row seats at all angelic concerts, the FastPass will have many benefits in the great beyond, sources confirmed Monday.
"This is a great way to reward those who changed dirty diapers and dealt with screaming toddlers as their pastors preached extra-long sermons and church members socialized for hours, leaving their kids in the nursery for as long as possible," said the spokesperson. "Seriously, what's wrong with you people!?"
"Anyway, we know this isn't enough. But we hope it's a good start and that we can make it up to you more throughout eternity."
Pastors who preached too long while on earth will be given a SlowPass.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
As one of the few sane people in MA - THANK YOU - for that article about MA just now ie the entire state is declared incompetent! I sent you a one-time donation of $25 just for that. I tell them that all the time too. :)
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
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