GRAND RAPIDS, MI—Local compassionate progressive Karter Brynlee is recovering from an emotional roller coaster today after initially feeling sad for someone dying of COVID, then feeling a perverse thrill after finding out the victim hadn't been responsible enough to get vaccinated, then sad again after realizing he was an illegal immigrant who had snuck across the border.
"Oh, how sad," said Brynlee to himself, quickly followed by "HA! IN YOUR FACE YOU STUPID ANTI-VAX BOOMER!", which was quickly followed by "Oh man... what a tragedy."
"I am very compassionate," Brynlee then said to himself.
According to sources, tens of thousands of unvaccinated undocumented immigrants are being released into the country. Experts say this is totally fine and nothing to worry about. According to Dr. Fauci, the problem should be solved if we make 2-year-olds wear masks.
"That seems like the compassionate thing to do," Brynlee added.
As Brynlee continued to read the news, his sadness turned to joy once again when he found out that the illegal immigrant was an anti-communist refugee from Cuba.
"Eh—I guess the dummy should have stayed in Cuba where they have the best healthcare," he said smugly. "Did I mention how compassionate I am?"
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
