What’s my number one complaint about today’s society?

Oh, yeah. Hatlessness. Men don't wear hats anymore. But what’s my number two complaint?

That’s right: Everyone is a bunch of sissies.

With this pandemic, it’s been sissy Christmas every day. Everyone is all, “Ooh! The virus is out there and going to get me! I’m going to hide in my house and wear my mask! Please inject me with stuff and tell me it will protect me!” It’s pathetic. No wonder nowadays people are confused about who women are, since everyone sounds like one.

It wasn’t like that back in the long, long ago — the good old days — when men were men, women were women, and you weren’t allowed to switch. Back then, we weren’t scared of any little old disease. And guess how we fared?

Well, yes, a lot of us died. Medicine was not quite as good back then. A lot less medical debt, a lot more dying. It’s a tradeoff. But we weren’t as whiny about it. And man, we had some diseases. Smallpox. Polio. Spanish Flu (and I know they say that name is offensive now, but that was our PC term for it; if you heard what we actually called it, it would blow your little tolerant minds). Those things, they’d kill you. But we didn’t care. We just lived our lives... well, some of us. Others dropped dead. We had a lot more funerals back then, but those are good social gatherings to meet and talk to each other, as we didn’t have Twitbook and Facer. So it all worked out.

And because we stood up to disease and death, we built this country into something great, with nuclear power and moon landings. You people can’t do that these days because you’re all hiding in your houses waiting for things to fall back to the stone age.

So that’s why you need to be like your ancestors and get out there and say, “I ain’t scared of you, disease! I ain’t even believe in germs and viruses; I’ve never seen them, and scientists could have just made those up!” And then get on with your life. What’s the worst that could happen? Well, yeah, you could die... but nothing worse than that.