NASHVILLE, TN—According to sources, cultural commentator Matt Walsh is really mad about something. In an epic monologue given on his show yesterday, he expressed his grumpy feelings about several issues, like the fact that cute puppies exist to mooch off their owners while providing next to nothing of monetary value in return, to the fact that there are pathetic immature man-babies who still put ketchup on hot dogs.
Several sources say that even after his monologue was over, he remained very grumpy.
"I don't really know what in the world there is to be mad about these days," said Satanist polyamorous Communist drag queen Zindy Mindypoo. "The dude really needs to lighten up."
Matt Walsh then appeared out of nowhere and glared at the drag queen with such furious intensity that Mindypoo immediately ran to the nearest Catholic church to confess his wickedness and turn his life around.
Walsh then returned to his monologue about the quivering sacks of jelly who have the nerve to call themselves men even though they shed tears every time they see a beautiful sunset or their wife gives birth to a new child.
At publishing time, sources say Walsh is still mad.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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As one of the few sane people in MA - THANK YOU - for that article about MA just now ie the entire state is declared incompetent! I sent you a one-time donation of $25 just for that. I tell them that all the time too. :)
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."