YORBA LINDA, CA—Crosspointe Roadse Churche has been reopened for services most of this year. But with the new variant spreading, staffers wanted to make sure their congregation was as protected as possible. So, they've added essential oils to the church's haze machine.
Now, as the sanctuary fills with fog every Sunday morning and Wednesday night, churchgoers will be getting the full experience of the Holy Spirit plus extra protection against germs and viruses.
"Just a touch of eucalyptus and a dab of oregano, and our congregation will be healthier than ever," said Pastor of Emotional Experiences Tad Coulson. "The past year has shown that all the countermeasures the government has tried simply do not work. We are going to worship no matter what the state says. But we're going to do it smart, by fighting this bug with all-natural oils."
"By the way, not sure if I mentioned this, but you can get these oils from my wife's work-from-home business," Tad added as he emptied the rest of the bottle into the fog machine. "She's a multi-gold platinum diamond regional sales representative for four different essential oils companies."
At publishing time, sources had confirmed that Tad's wife makes $2.67 a month.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
