WASHINGTON, D.C.—After doing such a good job at being President this week, Biden is treating himself to some more well-deserved vacation time to reward himself for his really hard work.
"Yeah that was a humdinger of a speech I gave just now," said Biden as Marine One took off to head back to Camp David. "I'll bet the American people are really inspired and impressed with my very good job. And seeing as how nothing is really going on in the world at the moment, I think it's time to head back to Camp David and put these old feet in the pool! Maybe a kid will come and rub my hairy legs--who knows!"
According to sources, aides are preparing an exquisite selection of ice cream cones to welcome the president back to his favorite vacation spot.
"We're not sure what's going on right now," said CNN's White House correspondent, "but I think the main takeaway we can all agree on here is that President Biden is doing a very, very good job. Good Job Mister President! We'll miss you while you're vacationing!"
Although some Republicans maliciously pounced on Biden's decision to take a nice long break he has clearly earned, the White House Chief of Staff insisted that it's important for the President to use up his vacation days now or else he'll lose them.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
Congress Warns Trump's Attempts To End War In Ukraine Could Result In End Of War In Ukraine
"If Trump ends the war in Ukraine, then the war in Ukraine will stop," warned House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "Trump is clearly not thinking about all the terrible things that will happen to us if the war in Ukraine ends."
