WASHINGTON, D.C.—After doing such a good job at being President this week, Biden is treating himself to some more well-deserved vacation time to reward himself for his really hard work.
"Yeah that was a humdinger of a speech I gave just now," said Biden as Marine One took off to head back to Camp David. "I'll bet the American people are really inspired and impressed with my very good job. And seeing as how nothing is really going on in the world at the moment, I think it's time to head back to Camp David and put these old feet in the pool! Maybe a kid will come and rub my hairy legs--who knows!"
According to sources, aides are preparing an exquisite selection of ice cream cones to welcome the president back to his favorite vacation spot.
"We're not sure what's going on right now," said CNN's White House correspondent, "but I think the main takeaway we can all agree on here is that President Biden is doing a very, very good job. Good Job Mister President! We'll miss you while you're vacationing!"
Although some Republicans maliciously pounced on Biden's decision to take a nice long break he has clearly earned, the White House Chief of Staff insisted that it's important for the President to use up his vacation days now or else he'll lose them.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
