WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a desperate bid to coax Biden back from vacation at Camp David to address some very pressing concerns in the country, staffers have decided to lure him back with a chocolate chip ice cream cone dangling from a string.
"He won't return our calls, so we're gonna try this," said Machen Stormfae, a White House intern. "Biden responds really well to ice cream... in fact, that's all he responds to. His eyes just light up like a newborn baby seeing his mother for the first time. It's quite beautiful." She then started whistling and making "tsk tsk" sounds with her mouth and whistling.
Other interns are wafting shampoo scents into the air and yelling "Here Biden! Here Mister President!"
After six hours of fruitless attempts, staffers eventually managed to lure him in with the ice cream. Biden then took a nap in the Oval Office before relieving the substitute President of his duties.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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As one of the few sane people in MA - THANK YOU - for that article about MA just now ie the entire state is declared incompetent! I sent you a one-time donation of $25 just for that. I tell them that all the time too. :)
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."