KABUL—Through clandestine sources in Kabul, The Babylon Bee has obtained a leaked copy of the Taliban’s first draft of a new Women’s Bill of Rights.

The Taliban, who is now running the Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan, began work on the bill soon after liberal western democracies and individuals like Nancy Pelosi reminded them in a strongly worded letter that they should protect women's rights. While this bill is still in its early stages, we think they’ve made a lot of progress. Let’s look at some of the rights enumerated in the Taliban’s Bill of Women’s Rights:

The right to remain silent.

The right to equal employment inside the home with the other wives.

The right of freedom of movement. Again, inside the home.

The right to free healthcare that is on par with the best veterinary care in the country.

The right to an education in Islam.

The right to be married to whichever brave Taliban fighter chooses them.

The right to bear children and raise them up to defend the Islamic Emirate.

The right to marry at any age.

The right to choose the color of their burqa.

The right to be seen in public, so long as they are fully covered and in the presence of their husband.

The right to speak freely with other women about how to take care of the house and raise children.

The right to have only one hand chopped off as a warning in cases of minor infractions.

The right to trial by husband.

Wow! This new Women’s Bill of Rights is a progressive step for the Taliban and it’s exciting to see what they’ll come up with next!