MINNESOTA WILDERNESS—Several hikers at the Minnesota Valley State Recreation Area have reported seeing a wild man roaming the woods. Witnesses say he's wearing camel-hair clothing, eating locusts and wild honey, baptizing people in the Minnesota River, and looks an awful lot like Mike Lindell.
"Yes, it is I, Mike Lindell," confirmed Mike Lindell. "I am the voice of one crying in the wilderness, prepare ye the way of Trump, and make his paths straight. So yeah-- basically out here getting people ready for the return of Donald Trump, which should be any day now."
When an angry crowd of libs gathered to see what was going on, the prophet Mike rebuked them all. "You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the wrath to come? Don't you realize that Trump is able to raise up voters from these very stones?" He then offered to baptize anyone willing to repent of accepting the results of the fraudulent election.
According to Lindell, Trump will return to once again take the throne of America and wipe away every tear. He has been tasked with preparing the country for this great return.
Although he is currently living in the wilderness, he's not completely roughing it since he still sleeps with a MyPillow and Giza Dreams sheet set.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
State and local officials rush to create a catalog of minors to hand over to those on the Epstein client list.
"We want to protect the children" This new bill (Illinois SB 3977) is very similar to the recently passed California bill (and the introduced Colorado bill) and, if passed, would set a deadline of January 1st, 2028 for compliance.
https://legiscan.com/IL/bill/SB3977/2025
Barron Tries To Blend In On Campus By Putting His Knees In His Shoes And Walking Around Like A Normal-Height Person
"I just want to be treated like any other 7-foot son of a billionaire president," said Barron to reporters. "Everywhere I go, I hear: 'Who is that giant person?' or 'Hey look! It's the heir to the throne of the American Empire, may he live forever!' or 'REEEEEEEEE!' It's really exhausting."
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
"You have got to get rid of all the bad stuff, like the meat and the animal products," said lab technician Luka Ranier, pouring a beaker of methylphenylketone into a bubbling broth of 2,2-dimethylpropyl benzoyletate as part of the standard process of making a meatless burger. "We manage to get our job done here with just 957 simple compounds that have been optimized for human health and consumption."
