MINNESOTA WILDERNESS—Several hikers at the Minnesota Valley State Recreation Area have reported seeing a wild man roaming the woods. Witnesses say he's wearing camel-hair clothing, eating locusts and wild honey, baptizing people in the Minnesota River, and looks an awful lot like Mike Lindell.
"Yes, it is I, Mike Lindell," confirmed Mike Lindell. "I am the voice of one crying in the wilderness, prepare ye the way of Trump, and make his paths straight. So yeah-- basically out here getting people ready for the return of Donald Trump, which should be any day now."
When an angry crowd of libs gathered to see what was going on, the prophet Mike rebuked them all. "You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the wrath to come? Don't you realize that Trump is able to raise up voters from these very stones?" He then offered to baptize anyone willing to repent of accepting the results of the fraudulent election.
According to Lindell, Trump will return to once again take the throne of America and wipe away every tear. He has been tasked with preparing the country for this great return.
Although he is currently living in the wilderness, he's not completely roughing it since he still sleeps with a MyPillow and Giza Dreams sheet set.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
