WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a stirring address to the nation, Biden sadly announced that we may soon have to invade Afghanistan once again after intelligence reports revealed they may have weapons of mass destruction, which we gave to them last week.
"Listen, folks, I know it seems like just last week since we were in Afghanistan," he said, "but it looks like we may have to go back. As it turns out, there are terrorists who now have weapons of mass destruction since we gave them weapons of mass destruction just the other day. Too bad! We have no other choice!"
The administration then announced they will be mobilizing 85,000 troops to reinvade the country and seize the weapons of mass destruction before the terrorists have a chance to use them. Then they will stay behind for 2 or 20 years to make sure nothing bad happens before abruptly leaving in the middle of the night since that worked so well last time.
"This time, we'll make sure to grab all our stuff before we leave!" Biden assured the public.
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
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UFO Files Reveal Aliens Here And Already Defrauded Minnesota For $20 Billion
"They're here among us," alien specialist Donny Marcus told the press. "I've been studying these beings for years — they're smart, and they're resourceful. It took no time at all for them to defraud Tim Walz's government of billions through Medicare and Medicaid fraud. The government didn't even ask why they needed the money; they just forked it over. The invasion people have been anticipating has been happening right under our noses all along."
Democrat Effort To Retake Congress Once Again Thwarted By Existence Of Laws
"The Democratic Party would be winning in a landslide if it weren't for that confounded Constitution," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We have so many great ideas on how to win, but people keep saying things like 'Hey, that's illegal' or 'That's literally a crime.' It's becoming disheartening."
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
