The Babylon Bee is proud to announce our very first annual "Country of the Year" award is going to the great country of Taiwan!
After months of research and judging all the contestants, we determined that Taiwan is indeed the most country-like country of all the countries. There is no country on earth that is more of a country than Taiwan.
Taiwan is famous for its electoral rights and civil liberties it grants to all its citizens, unlike the neighboring fake country of China, which is a lame, boring place run by a bunch of communists. Boo China. Nobody wants to go there. And their president looks like Winnie the Pooh.
Our researchers also determined that Taiwan has the best food and best-looking people. They also have a lot of earthquakes, but it's no big deal because their skyscrapers can wiggle around in the air without toppling over. Neat!
The Taiwanese people also enjoy the freedom of religion, and none of them have to worry about being placed in concentration camps for believing the wrong things.
Ultimately, though, the deciding factor was Taiwan's very impressive country-ness.
Wow, China. Taiwan is really making you look bad. Maybe you should try not sucking so bad and we'll consider you for a "Most Improved Commie Fake Republic" for next year.
Congratulations to the country of Taiwan!
Kyle and Ethan talk to Dave Rubin about identifying as a conservative, California, and Christianity. Dave has written a new book titled Don’t Burn This Book available wherever you find books
The 🐝 Podcast is also available on all podcast platforms.
SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Gavin Newsom is smelling victory after his blowout win in the California recall election.
In celebration of Gavin Newsom’s win, homeless people in San Francisco scrawled “Congratulations, Gavin!” in their own poop on the street. Some of the excrement was produced fresh for the message while most had been lying on the sidewalk unused for months.
Local sources say many people so far seem to be avoiding the area where the words were written. A few onlookers were critical of the message, calling it “disgusting,” “crappy,” and “corny.” But they were probably racist Larry Elder supporters.
The homeless population, however, was unequivocal in their support for the Governor. When asked what they love most about Newsom, every homeless person had the same answer. “Change,” they replied. Then they kept repeating it. “Change, please. Change?” It seems the homeless are big fans of all the change that has taken place under Newsom’s leadership.
WASHINGTON, D.C.—During testimony in front of Congress Thursday, General Mark Milley admitted that he committed treason but pointed out that he had to do so in order to prevent Trump from committing treason.
The general gave an emotional testimony today recounting his brave acts in betraying the United States to a hostile power in order to prevent even worse betrayals from the president of the country.
"I had to commit treason to prevent Trump from committing treason," he said to a panel in the House of Representatives. "Trump was going to betray the interests of the United States, and I had to beat him to the punch to make 100% sure that would never happen."
"Also, he posted a lot of mean tweets. And I couldn't let that stand. They were... hurtful." Milley then asked for a recess, as he was tearing up and needed some time to control his emotions.
According to Milley, after he committed treason to stop Trump from committing treason, Trump threatened to commit treason to stop Milley...
REDMOND, WA—In what many call a “science miracle,” a mask worn by four-year-old Addison Stephens developed a stain that some say looks just like Dr. Anthony Fauci.
“I was so surprised when I saw it,” said Delores Stephens, the mother of Addison. After the Stephenses returned home from Addison’s weekly allotted outside time, Delores instantly saw the stain on the mask and exclaimed, “There is our savior!”
News spread quickly, and now thousands are coming to see the mask with the face of Fauci on it, though all the gathered worshipers are masking up and staying socially distanced. And only the vaccinated are allowed to approach the mask.
“I think science is trying to communicate with us through it,” said school teacher Robyn Copeland, who traveled one thousand miles — driving a car alone while masked — to see the miraculous image of Fauci.
As for the boy who wore the mask, Addison was asked how he thinks the face of Fauci appeared, and he said it was from ...
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